So I Thought
by Mickeycatorangeya
Summary: Angst. Dan and Phil are together and one of them leaves the other. Can be taken from either point of view.


***TRIGGER WARNING!* Character death, depression, suicide, and abandonment. Please do not read if you are triggered. Review please and thank you!**

Everything is moving so slowly, the wind a gentle breeze, the strong scent of salt filling our nostrils. The sun is just bursting from the horizon, painting the early morning sky with vibrant pinks and oranges. We're on the beach, I'm curled into your chest, and your fingers are ghosting over my skin.

You're speaking to me about nothing really, so I'm not paying attention, just enjoying hearing your voice rumble your chest, and the beating of your heart in time with my breathing. We lapse into a comfortable silence and you plant a kiss on my forehead. I glance into your eyes that are filled with quiet sadness.

They speak of years of heartache and hopelessness, they hold an age and wisdom one so young should not possess.

I should have known.

* * *

><p>You're in the shower and I'm staring at your book. The ink presses into each page and if you place your fingers on the back of them, you can feel each imprint of every single word.<p>

The coffee stains speak of countless hours you spent working and the ink blots show where you messed up or rephrase. The constant change between pencil and black, red, or blue pen tells how often you had random spurts of creativity in all places and you scrambled for something to write with.

The words string together to depict a fantastical tale of sweet summer days, filled with adventure, mischief, and discovery, but I can't seem to focus. It tells more about you than a conversation would. You walk out of the shower hair dried, and styled perfectly. You roll up your sleeves and tie your shoe laces.

You take my hand and stand me up. You adjust my collar, kiss my temple, and whisper soothingly and rub circles into my back, "Don't be sad."

I should have known.

* * *

><p>We're walking down the street, hand in hand, people bustling about excited for the fair. You pluck a flower from an absent vendors stand, and weaves it into my hair. We walk to the water fountain, where people are dancing. You wrap your arms around my waist and I put mine around your neck.<p>

We sway to the music, calm in each others embrace. The sound begins to fade out and you press your lips to mine. You whisper in my ear and it sends shivers done my spine. The warmth is gone and I open my eyes to see you have melted in to the sea of people. I should have torn apart the streets looking for you.

I should have known.

* * *

><p>A month has passed but it's only felt like a minute. I've spent those agonizing hours wasting away, memories of you are swirling in my head, and I'm listening to the music we loved, and movies would marathon.<p>

I have cried myself to sleep every night. I miss you. I walk to the ocean, very early before the dawn breaks, and sob and scream and thrash out. Why? Why did you leave? I loved you so much. I reluctantly hauled myself off of the ground, and trudged back home.

My legs are like anchors, weighing me down, making it impossible to move. I make my way to the mailbox and take out the news. I peek at the front page only to be faced with your angelic smile. The blaring head line read;

"Local Killed In Car Crash." I'm numb and I should have known.

* * *

><p>They chose lilies, the same flower you gave me at the fair. I'm standing in the back and I see your mother, she's wearing a long black dress and tears are staining her face.<p>

She gives me a knowing look before walking to your casket. No mother should ever bury her child. I couldn't look at you afraid that of I did, that the chance that this was all just a terrible nightmare would shatter. The funeral was over quick and many tears were shed. Now everyone is giving their condolences to the grieving. I hug you mothers and she grips my shoulders tightly.

She tells me you loved so much. I know. I loved you too. But you left me all alone and I'm still heartbroken.

I should have known.

* * *

><p>It's six in the morning, I've been awake and I'm walking again, the only thing on my mind is you. Your funeral was yesterday, and you haven't left me alone since. My feet are clicking on the hard wood of the pier, I reach the end and see no one's anywhere in sight.<p>

I see the fishermen's boats welding into the rising sun, and the seagulls are flying high above my head. I take out two lilies, one crumpled and wilting, the other fresh and alive but a little worse for wear. Kinda like you and I, huh?

I place on foot on the edge and think yes, very much like us. Now I'm flying and I realize I knew all along.

Nick Lee 1989-2011

It was a tragedy that you did, but it would

have been an even greater tragedy if you'd

never lived at all.


End file.
